i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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