Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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