so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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