do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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