You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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