i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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