Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
