Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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