He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
