I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
