hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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