jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
