she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize