If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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