How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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