I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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