Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
