R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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