it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just invented taco cereal.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize