im drinking this country out of the recession.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
