So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
