I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
