You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
