He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
