he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
