Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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