he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
