I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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