I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
