if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we're making bets on your personal life
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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