Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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