Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
