I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
