Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were trust falling into bushes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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