I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
