ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
