So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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