i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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