yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
