i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
