I'm so fucking centered right now
Will you blow on my dice?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
