I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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