Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
