my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
