I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
