You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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