Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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