I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
