the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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