Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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