sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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