I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
