When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
