thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this is an emotional support booty call
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
