i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
