were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
