my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize