dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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