Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
