all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
