you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
