Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How does one acquire holy water?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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