i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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