There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
